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on continuing to grieve

2 March 2010

The world seems so much smaller
Now than it did before;
The old contours and sure comforts
Grow less and less each day
Since you are gone.

It is certainly a smaller world than I’d thought it,
Although filled with more sorrows than I’d ever imagined–
Even I, who spent so much time
Contemplating my own mortality,
Even I have been unwilling
To contemplate yours.

The old order fades; a new one arises.
Skies that were once expansive
And filled at night with stars that watched
Down upon us both
Are now shrunk into a little, dismal space
And all things that once spoke of promise
Oppress and condense me
Instead.

Your death has had a strange impact
Upon me; cycles of grief and wanhope sadness
Come and go, from time to time,
But something within me cannot rest
For thinking of the implications
Of your Web losing you at the centre–
And all that I can remember
Is that your signifiers all remain…
So how can you really be gone?

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. 2 March 2010 16:06

    This brings back memories.

  2. 2 March 2010 17:30

    I don’t know the “behind” story, but I do know this is a beautiful poem, edged with sadness, remembrace and love.

    • 2 March 2010 18:49

      Thanks, Glynn. It’s about remembering a dear, dear friend who departed this life a few years ago. May his memory be eternal.

      Thanks for your comments. They mean a lot.

  3. Justin permalink
    4 March 2010 02:18

    He really was a special guy. I’m sure he’d appreciate you thinking this much about him, man.

    • 6 March 2010 17:10

      Yes, yes he was. And he always loved attention, so you’re right, it’s fitting.

  4. 6 March 2010 15:24

    It’s hard to understand how life goes on so normally for others when our whole world has changed through our loss … this describes that so well

  5. 6 March 2010 16:32

    Thanks so much for the comment. Yes, there seems to be a kind of cognitive disconnect, between memory and reality, between the inner and outer world, that grief creates. It’s a strange thing; and even while it isn’t omnipresent these days, it has its moments where it colors everything.

  6. 6 March 2010 16:57

    Any one of us who has lost someone we love finds deep expression of love in this poem. The “signifiers” do remain. The Web bears a tear but the threads, ever strong, remain. One cannot break the bond of love.

    • 6 March 2010 17:09

      Well said, Maureen, well said. And, perhaps, one should never even try to break the bond. The possibility of love and friendship must necessitate the possibilities for loss and pain. It’s about being human, after all.

  7. 6 March 2010 23:51

    i have found that there are very very short burst of time that my brain forgets that someone is dead. a thought of something that i once would want to share with them enters my mind, and then the immediate let down of them not being there any more. the brain does weird things like that. i think somewhere in the communication between the heart, emotions, and mind, there is sometimes confusion.

    • 7 March 2010 01:11

      I admit, I share it with them anyway. I’m not entirely convinced that life and death are the static conditions we imagine them to be.

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